One day at a time

I would like to apologize for not posting in several days, so much has gone on around here I just havnet had any computer time at all.

I have begun a course of new meds, and so far I'm doing okay. I'm currently taking lamictal (thats not new) but my doctor thinks maybe I can stop taking the other 5 meds I was on and just go down to two, Lamictal and Seroquel. Well the Seroguel is helping me sleep finally! So far thats the only thing I've noticed though...but as with all new mids it takes time to work.

My son has been doing therapy still and has hbegan to have some good times more than he was experiencing. But we take 1 step forward and then one step back and I'm frustrated with family members for their lack of willingness to try to understand his emotions and fears right now. It appears that so many are taking it personal that he doesnt want to be with them like he did before and think that I'm the problem, and I'm making him think he wants to be home with me rather than with them. They arent taking his anxiety and fears as a feeling thats real for him. At this point I'm so disgusted that people are so selfish and think ts all about them, rather than educating themselves about depression and helping my child. It does make me want to keep him from those who are so ignorant to his fears and his feelings. I guess thats my momma bear rising up to protect my child.

I remember growing up with the same ignorance and how it felt to be misunderstood and the feeling of running into a brick wall every time someone didnt understand me, or at least try too. Had one person just sat and listened to what I had to say about my feelings and not insert their own opinions and what they think I should feel, I would have found some comfort. And now, my own child is running into walls with every turn.

It hurts to see that people wish to remain so selfish and not help in his recovery. I thought that he meant more to them than this...ignorance is NOT bliss! It only pushes someone further away and further into their own destruction, I know this from my own life.

My daily prayer is that maybe all that I went through growing up with this disorder is that it has made me able to help my own children who are now suffering like I have so many times. Maybe I can be their safety net and one who can teach them that they are normal, they are not crazy or selfish themselves, and that they have that safety net in me. I do understand where others cant what they are feeling, and maybe that alone can make a difference.

I dont know....people kick you when your down, even ones who claim to love us unconditionally, because they cannot know whats in your mind.

I only wish that they would put their own feelings of rejection aside and educate themselves and HELP ratehr than harm the fragile soul that exists within my son.